You might be thinking, this has nothing to do with adopting
a child. Ah yes, but it very much is a part of the process.
In the last three to four weeks, I have been struggling with
the roles of men and women particularly in the church. Alan and I have had
plenty of discussions about it and I seem to get deeper and deeper into the
issue. To explore the subject even more from other Christian women out there, I
thought I’d read a book and some of the discussions out there on the
net about it. So I read A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband “Master” by Rachel Evans. Though it
appears absurd at face value, she has actually done an extensive research on each
of the topics she explored and rather faithfully at that. (As it happens, I
found out on Facebook that my Adelaide Road friends were also reading it right
about the time I read it, making me feel connected from such a distance).
As Alan and I have agreed to commit to the NEW church we are
currently attending, I found out two weeks ago that one of the membership rules
include that women are not to take spiritual leadership in the church. What?!
When I speak of leadership, I want to establish that I don’t
mean leadership in general. There are plenty of ministries in which women are
best at leading (e.g. children’s ministry). Outside of church, women make
successful bosses. I speak particularly of spiritual leadership.
Well, last Sunday, as part of a series of sermons on the
book of Judges, the pastor at our church spoke of this very particular issue: (feel
free to listen: date 2/10/13)
Michael’s summation of Judges 4:1-24: The Roles of Men and Women
in Spiritual Leadership are as follows.
1.
When men neglect their role as spiritual
leaders, women who are faithful to God will rise up in their absence.
2.
When men refuse to lead as God commands them to,
they miss out on the honor that God intends them to have.
3.
A godly woman will not take the place of
leadership that God has given men, but will help men to rise to their
role.
4.
God is going to give the victory to whomever He
wants, so men might as well lead as God tells them instead of being cowards.
What a sovereign God! All my life, I’ve never had unanswered
questions and God never ceases to surprise me in ways with which he meets me
where I’m at. We have been in this new church for 6 months now and I feel God
has really brought us here. The purchase of our house, the location of said
house, our desire to be close to the church (about a mile away), the struggles
we have gone through, the issues we are endeavoring to understand, the
fellowship we are missing (our small group is less than a mile away), the
community he intends for us, the school Sam needs,…all these beautifully
interwoven by our loving father in heaven. He heard our prayers, He knew our
needs…He knows what is best for us.
We spent most of our small group discussion that following
Friday night answering what has been bothering me about gender roles in church:
the rule that only men should fulfill the spiritual leadership (i.e. pastorship
and eldership) in the church. My initial thoughts were that rules are rather
limiting. I have no problem with men being spiritual leaders. In fact, I uphold
this idea. However, I feel that having such rule in the church (that women should not hold
a spiritual leadership position or that she should not speak in the pulpit)
rather limits God’s intensions and calling. What if a woman was called to the
position? Said woman will resort to leaving the church to fulfill this calling.
I believe that the church would be missing out. Rules disregard personality,
giftedness, culture, circumstance, and calling thereby limiting the full
potential of God’s plans for the church rather than upholding it or encouraging
it. Does the rule reflect legalism?
I still have no answers but I want to share my convictions
so far.
As much as I disagree with the need for a written rule that
disqualifies women in the position, I very much desire or seek the leadership
of a man. In our nearly 9-year marriage, I have long desired Alan to be the
rock of our house in the spiritual level. Whilst he has been our leader in all
aspects of life, Alan has happily, until recently, taken the back seat in
leading us spiritually. This is not to say that Alan has no faith. In fact, I
believe him to be a godly man, more than I ever know.
It goes back three years ago when I prayed these words, "God, may Alan lead me and Sam in our faith. Make him realize and mold him into the godly and strong man you intended him to be." When it was just me and Alan,
I was satisfied with our individual faiths. But when I got pregnant, I realized
how important it is to have a solid ground as a couple. I don’t blame Alan nor do I hold him responsible. You see, I see now that we are very much a
product of our upbringing. Coming from a broken family (my father passing when
I was a toddler and Alan’s parents splitting up) never really allowed us to
have a father figure to mold us into this ideal unit. It explains why though I
long for a male spiritual leader in my life, I reject the rule that establishes
it. I desire it because it’s how God intended it to be. I reject it because it
goes against my norm, the environment in which I was raised. Being raised by a
strong Catholic woman, sans the help of a man, dictates the equal ability and
capability of a woman. (Alan’s own story and conviction on this subject mirrors
mine, but that is for him to say). However, this is not the norm, this
shouldn’t be the norm. Rather it is the result of a fallen world.
No, I don’t reject women pastors or elders. In fact, they
encourage me. In the absence of men rising up to lead churches, as is the case
in Japan where 90% of church members are women, God is raising up women. Responding
to such call requires strength and wisdom. Whilst this isn’t the norm, the way
in which God intended it to be, where men are lacking, women are filling in the
roles out of need. For example, many women who are married to unbelieving
husbands should lead her family spiritually lest the whole family falters.
I ask myself, are Paul’s letters to the church in Ephesus
a prescriptive one or a descriptive one. Prescriptive in that the rules written
are universal, that they pertain to all churches, old and new. Or descriptive in
that Paul was merely speaking of the specific needs and issues of the recipient
of the letter. Is it cultural or historical? Whether rules are there to protect
the integrity of the church, or merely a legalistic one, I don't think it
matters much. Not to me anyway. I think I am finally okay with it. I can sign
the church membership knowing that it will not be a constant battle, or that it
won’t be a source of judgmental attitude on my part. You see, I believe that
God will make a way, no matter the circumstances, for his will to be done. So if
a woman is called to be a pastor, she will be a pastor no matter the
circumstances, with rules for or against her.
So I’m not as egalitarian as I thought I was. So what if I’m
more traditional than I want to be. The fact that I find my husband more
attractive now than ever, is enough. It’s enough. As usual, God has met me
where I was and that’s enough answer for now.
